Adam King
Adam comes from a long line of intellectuals and esquires. While his "personal" intelligence quotient falls well below zero, he prefers to use this challenge to his advantage. A recent interview in GQ magazine quoted Mr. King as saying, "You know, tying shoes isn't rocket science but this velcro crap has to be 'cause it just ain't workin for me."
In his free time he likes to practice past participles and is constantly trying to invent new contractions. So far he's come up with "Jib't" and "Roarsch'll" -- neither of which are words according to the latest Webster's Dictionary. His efforts do not go unhearalded however, and recently he was seen throwing his own congratulatory party at Circuit City.
Adam's favorite colors are "smear" and "vaseline" -- while his attempts to convince those at Crayola that these are necessary additions and theoretically the foundations for the primary reds, blues and yellows we're all so familiar with, the heads of the colored wax mega-giant maintain their stance that "Mr. King is worse off than a blind mute and somehow less agile than a head in a fishbowl." Usually these insults hurt Adam painfully but his normal routine of undressing and staring into the sun for upwards of 15 minutes without blinking always cures what ails him.
The 31-year-old's scholastic and professional career is something that can best be described or reenacted by going to a funeral home and sitting in the dark. While it may feel empty, there is always a certain je ne sais quoi about the experience.
Adam has been on nineteen first dates -- of which three have resulted in jail time before the initial handshake, seven have ended in compound fractures to his skull and the other nine were completely made up and would only be legitimate if he truly was the only person on the planet.
He has a cat named Murphy that loves him, an identical twin sister who hates her life and Mr. K is available for dinner from 3:00 to 4:30 AM.